Happy New Year!

At this time of the new year when all our focus is on going forwards and the year ahead, it’s also a good time to take a pause and look back at what just happened. This may seem strange, particularly as coaching tends to deal with the future rather than the past. However, at a time when many of us are busy setting goals for ourselves, it’s handy to review what went well in the year that’s just done and what could have been better.

It’s no bad thing to acknowledge what went well, celebrate our success, call it what you will. We tend to take for granted what’s worked and focus on that which we’re unhappy with, playing down what we’ve done well. So, take a moment, look back through your diary to remind yourself of what happened this last year and notice all the things that turned out well for you. Acknowledge what you did to make all this happen and think about how you can build upon this in the goals you’re setting yourself for 2011.

Next think about what you would like to be different this time next year – no judgements, please!

From these two lists identify what’s most important to you and start to identify the first steps that are going to get you there. Depending on the complexity or difficulty of what you’ve chosen to achieve these may be many or few, either way, there will be steps along the way and without identifying them, how can you expect to take them and in turn expect to reach your goal? If it’s helpful, build in milestone dates so that you can check that you’re on track and congratulate yourself as you go.

Whatever you choose for yourself – or if like me, you don’t really hold with new year resolutions – I wish you a happy and rewarding 2011.

Back to school

It’s that time of year again – back to school. Now, it’s some years since I went to school and I don’t have any children of my own, yet I’m still conscious that it’s back to school time. I’m resisting the urge to go and buy a new pencil case, though in my view there are few ills that can’t be solved with some quality stationery.

Back to school is a bit like Spring, a feeling of something new starting, the next phase getting underway. Those of us lucky enough to have been on holiday – or even who made the most of the bank holiday weekend – will be feeling reinvigorated and ready to get stuck in again.

In my life, today marks the one year anniversary of my freelance working life. That being the case, I’ve scheduled time to have a review meeting with myself, look at what took place in the past twelve months, and what I’d like to see happen in the next twelve.

As always with exercises like this, it’s an opportunity to remember some of the things I’d forgotten about, celebrate some successes, build upon the things that surprised me and guard against the things I found tricky - short, dark days of winter, I’ll have more planned treats this year for a start!

If it’s been a while since you took a pause to reflect on where you are, where you’ve been and where you’re going, why not do so now as we move into the autumn term. We’ll be crashing into Christmas before you know it!

When do we start to qualify our success?

When the occasion demands it, I like to use scaling in my coaching sessions – I see the person being coached surprised by all that’s already going well for them once they’re asked to name it and identify what can be done next to move things along. I’ve never had a coachee score themselves higher than seven on their particular issue, which I suppose is no surprise, as it’s an issue, but I do wonder would a grown-up ever give themselves a 10/10?

What strikes me is that even when something’s going really well, we’ll play it down. I know it’s not attractive to show off, but surely there’s a balance?

I’m all for people wanting to be the best they can be – it’s why I do what I do – and I want them to celebrate reaching their achievement before striving for the stretch goal they’ve made or moving on to the next thing.

Each morning on his Radio Two programme, Chris Evans talks to children who are going to be doing something for the first time that day. They then come back the next day to say how it went and score their efforts out of ten. Without hesitation, they’re all in there with ten or at worst nine, and sometimes higher than ten. I like that they don’t worry that whatever they’ve done might not have been perfect, or could have been better in some way. ‘Did you ride your bike without stabilisers for the first time today?’ and if the answer’s yes, they’re straight in there with a 10 – none of this faffing about round six or seven you get with most adults and ‘well, it could’ve gone better, it took me a while and I ran over my Dad’s foot…’ In their eyes, they did what they aimed to do and so, without question it’s a ten, and I like that.

One little girl didn’t complete her challenge – she was going to shot the putt (is that right?) for the first time that day. When she called in the next morning, Chris asked if she’d done it. No, they’d been rained off and so the event had been postponed. Chris was sympathetic, asked for her score and went on to say he guessed it’d be a zero as she’d not been able to attempt her challenge, but she was straight in there with a three! She’d decided, she’d done all of the preparation and so deserved some recognition for her efforts. After all, it wasn’t her fault it had rained, she’d done all that was required of her – bar the final step.

I wonder when we stop being certain of our right to a ten, because we do. Whilst I recognise that this is part of growing up, I do think it’s rather a shame.

Tell me what you want…

People are often frustrated because they don’t have what they want – the right job, the right relationship, the right home… They can tell you all the things they don’t want, but not always what it is that they do want.

If we’re not clear about what we want, it’s hardly surprising that we feel that we don’t have it!

Knowing what it is we don’t want can be a useful starting point and for some, it can motivate them into taking action to avoid it. However, it’s not a productive thinking place to spend much time. Much more useful to move towards figuring out what it is we really want and then how to make that happen.

This can take some work – not least because of the inner chatter which will try and dissuade us from the new and exciting. A good starting point and one which deals with this internal naysayer is:

‘If you could be certain of success, what would you do?’

Once you can answer that question, fill it out, add the detail. Once you know what you want, you’ll have a much better chance of making it happen not least because you can work out how to do that and you’ll recognise it when it becomes real.

Lent – give up something good

As you know, today’s the first day of Lent when it’s traditional to give up something after the excesses of Shrove Tuesday – which seem pretty tame by 2010 standards. I can report that I made pancakes from scratch last night and without starting a house fire! So, the first thing I’ll be stopping is late night carbs – bad, bad, bad!

In recent years, I’ve noticed a trend towards taking something up rather than stopping a thing for the forty days of Lent. Whilst I appreciate this isn’t Lent proper, I’m all for whatever helps people make positive change in their lives, and it does come at a handy time to have another crack at those New Year’s resolutions.

I’ve had mixed success over the years with my Lenten commitments. The year I decided that I’d give up chocolate was going quite well until I realised that three weeks was only just halfway there. The same length of time again seemed beyond me and I caved with the view that if I was to give up something that I really liked, nearly six weeks was far too long a time to do it. Same story in the wine years.

I appreciate the irony here and that the self test is exactly that of giving up something you enjoy for a substantial period of time. However, I know that I – along with many others – am poor at deprivation, and that self care is an important part of being the best we can be.

So, I’m going to be giving up the negative self talk – you know the stuff. All the undermining chat we do to ourselves which holds us back. I know it won’t be easy – it’s a strongly ingrained habit that we do subconsciously – and I also know it’ll be really good for me to stop.

What will you do?

As writing things down helps with commitment:
I commit to stopping negative self talk for this period of Lent. Oh, and late night carbs too – in for a penny…

International Coaching Week 2010

February 7th – 14th is the 15th International Coaching Week (ICW) organised by the International Coach Federation (ICF) of which I’m a member. The purpose of ICW is to educate the public about what coaching is and the benefits of working with a professional coach.

In this spirit, I’m offering free on line coaching for the whole of International Coaching Week to anyone who fancies it. Please get in touch if you do and also let others know about this.

Send e-mails to me at maggie@maggie-smith.co.uk

As I said, this coaching is available for free. I know some people are uncomfortable with something for nothing, so if you’d like to part with some cash, there are a number of charities I support and if you feel so moved you can make a donation to any of these – though please don’t feel obliged to do so.

Help for Heroes http://www.justgiving.com/MaggieSmithCoaching

The Alzheimers Society http://www.justgiving.com/MaggieSmithCoachingDonate

The City of London Migraine Clinic http://www.migraineclinic.org.uk/

If you’d like to more about International Coaching Week, here’s the link http://www.coachfederation.org/coachingweek/

New Year’s Resolution #5

A lot of us decide that in the New Year we’re going to be better at managing our money – often brought on by wondering on how we’re going to make it to the end of January after the expense of Christmas. Given that we’re now into February, we made it – hurrah!

If managing your money well doesn’t come naturally, don’t despair – there’s plenty of help out there from independent financial advisors (word of mouth the best way of finding a good one, if you don’t know anyone who has one, who do you know who manages his/her money well and ask them who they use) to organisations such as the Consumer Credit Counselling Service.

We sometimes make this decision because there’s something we want to save up for – as always be clear about what this is and what the benefits are to you and others of making this a reality. What are the repercussions if you can’t make this happen? Is there another way? I don’t mean stealing! If it’s something you want to buy, can you shop around – the internet has surely revolutionised the way we shop for everything – if you want to learn a new skill and can’t afford the training, is there an organisation for which you can volunteer and gain the skills that way?

Once you’ve reached your goal – let’s be positive – why not keep going? By that time you’ll have made the habit, which is the hard bit and there’s bound to be something else you’d like to save for. Keep going then you’ve made a long-term positive change out of a short-term goal.

As with all things – balance. T Harv Eker writes about money and our attitudes to it – he’s over in London later this month running his three day workshop on what it is that rich people do differently from the rest of us, which is great in a very shouty American which may not be to everyone’s taste. He maintains that we’re as rich as we are, and as adept at managing our money as we are because of our conditioning. That our outer wealth – or lack – is a demonstration of our beliefs which can, of course be changed.

He talks about balance and teaches a really simple method of achieving this – he’s big on simplification too. In his method, of course saving has its place, but he cautions against saving becoming a dominant habit, remember balance. To counteract this, and to keep the necessary discipline to keep saving for those who need that motivation, he also has a play fund which has to be spent at least once a month on something that is a pleasure or fun, a splurge.

Harv also says that you don’t need much to start this habit, whatever you can manage. The important thing is that you start to make a difference. Whatever you decide, don’t be having the same money conversation with yourself next New Year.